One word with so many Loopholes – :::Relationships:::
By: Ron Eldridge
My Readers Speak About Relationships
By no means am I an expert when it comes to relationships, so as I received feedback last week from my post titled,
I want to take a moment to share a few responses. I always appreciate perspectives from my readers.
Just to bring new readers up to speed, my post shared details of my casual relationships with Lisa that quickly went left. We dated and quickly grew to really care for each other before she hit me with the bad news. First, she was moving back to Louisiana. Second, she didn’t want to be friends any longer. Why? Apparently, we had too much fun together.
No, seriously tho’, she simply could not maintain a friendship with an ex. She didn’t see the point of being emotionally attached to a man like that.
Initially, I took it personal. Then I tried to overstand, but honestly, I felt sliced up – Nubian ninja style. My ego and my heart took a blow. I couldn’t completely understand her point of view. I can understand her moving and all, but things were perfect between us, therefore we should remain friends. Am I right? Maybe not.
In rekindling this story and sharing it last week, I appreciate the readers that “peeled” the layer of this onion a little more by sharing their thoughts/stories- yeah I needed this from you. Gracias.
My best friend is a man, and has been for the last 10 years. There has never been an attempt to make our relationship more than what it is. We were together all of the time, we also worked for the same company. Our kids are like siblings, because we were together all of the time (we were both single) people thought we were a couple. We attended functions together, we would take road trips on the spur of the moment, we could sleep in the bed with each other and think nothing of it.
Notice how my wording is in past tense? Well, all of this changed a couple of years ago when he announced that he was getting married. After the initial shock wore off, I was just speechless. Selfishly I thought and knew that things between us would change and a feeling of jealousy overwhelmed me. Now, the jealousy was not due to the fact that he was getting married (I absolutely love his wife and I threw his bachelor party) I just felt like part of me was being taken away.
Although we don’t hang out as much as we used to we make time for each other once a month and we talk on the phone once a week.
As far as long distance relationships, my ex-husband was in the Marines who was stationed on a Naval ship that went on westpac (out to see for 6 months) so that has never been a problem for me.
However, I cannot be friends with someone for whom I have romantic feelings. It does not work for me. If we have shared a relationship, and for whatever reason it did not work, but my heart has not yet hit the “off” switch…then I must simply part ways without a residual friendship. In my platonic friendships, we discuss all sorts of relationship issues, and other personal matters. And, I simply cannot do that with someone for whom I hold a romantic place in my heart. I don’t want to hear about their dating adventures, love interests, or anything else that will make my heart ache…
… I do not believe in long distance relationships. In my opinion there has to be a good amount of physical togetherness to establish true intimacy. Yeah this is an interesting topic
in my experience it’s always other people that are the main problems when it comes to being friends with the opposite gender. everyone is always speculating and no one believes that you’re just friends! it’s like it’s hard for people to believe that a man & a woman can just be homies!!
Pleshette, thanks for sharing. I think that you shared an inevitable event that will most likely occur in most male/female friendships. If asked how many have been in that situation, I can raise my hand – but you already know.
AnDrea, you paint reality very well, it reads ugly, but it’s real. I agree with you as well Tamica – real talk. I appreciate you. And Tina… I just want to share that, while I understand your perspective, my initial thought (after reading this) was:
“THAT’S RIGHT! IT’S THE MAN’S FAULT THAT LISA AND I AREN’T TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!”
I’m bugging. But thanks for sharing your thoughts Fam.